Listen to this.

"Police were called to the scene of an unusual crime in Alberta today when the seven owners of the Laundromat with No Name, a long-established business, were found brutally slain in front of the ruins of their store. The wreckage of a white automobile was found having been driven through the glass storefront, and at least two of the Laundromat owners were consequently pinned under the car.

"The remaining five were then shot to death at close range by a handgun, presumably wielded by the driver. The police have issued a comment saying that attempts to track the killer based on the bullets recovered from the victims' bodies have been unsuccessful. They advise Alberta citizens to stay in their homes for the duration of the emergency.

"Curiously, the seven owners were found clad in black robes of a religious kind. Currently it is believed that the killer placed the victims in these robes, though there are several contradictions to the possibility of such an act."

I saw the crime scene. They were right. The killers laid where they fell after being gunned down, and the guys under the car already had their robes on.

Goddamnit, Derek.